A Distinct Lack of Exercise



There has been no exercise, but mostly it has not been my fault. I have had an accident.

Last Sunday, I tripped on a glass that someone had left on the floor. This glass became many pieces of glass and one of those pieces of glass lodged itself into the ball of my foot. It gave me quite a turn to see a shard of glass sticking out of my foot. Disgusting. So I’ve not been walking that well and leaping onto the cross trainer has been somewhat beyond me.

To be honest, apart from a numb big toe (I fear I’ve nicked a nerve, ewww), I’m nearly back on my feet, so I should be starting next week. In the interim, enjoy the awful tale of my attempt at spinning.

It was over ambitious, but that is a fault of mine. I hadn’t exercised for months, and I know spinning is hard, but for some reason I felt that it would be appropriate for my first effort at the gym to be a spinning class.

I was late, naturally, so didn’t get the chance to adjust my bike. On it’s own that would have caused a level of discomfort. When I realised that I had to adopt three different poses, I was even less happy. One normal sitting down, one crouch, one upright. What the fuck.

So we started. The instructor is bellowing about 80 rpm. I don’t know what that means, but I am doing 55 at best. I am sitting! Crouching! Sitting! Standing! Then he orders me to turn up the resistance. I repeat, what the fuck.

I am now five minutes into a thirty minute class and I am sweating like a sumo wrestler in a sun bed. I surreptitiously turn down the resistance. That happens more than once over the course of the class. At one point, I think I might be sick on the handlebars.

I would get off, but I’m too afraid of being shouted at, not to mention stared at by all the much happier cyclists. They’re all whooping and loving the sprinting, They are morphing between positions with ease. They are TURNING UP THE RESISTANCE, not just moving their hands near the knob. Some aren’t even sweating. It’s like I lost my way and ended up in Olympus. And guess what? They’re all spinning.

Even when my foot is healed, there’s no way I’m going back. I might do sit ups nearby, so they can see I love exercise too. But no more spinning.


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